“There are so many things in Rome that I don’t like: the traffic, the Gogolesque bureaucratic quagmire, the endless expanse of car roofs, the violence… But Rome is still endlessly fascinating… A flash of sunlight through a flotilla of shifting clouds glancing between two cinquecento palazzi is enough for the city to appear renewed in all its charm,” explains Federico Fellini in The Smiles of Rome. Fellini goes on to tell us that Rome “obliges us to make contact with remote and unknown parts of ourselves.”
Coming to Rome, I knew I would change. I did not know exactly how, or what would change. But I knew I would. Not only because I have been told that Rome changes people, but I was also hoping that this experience would help me grow as a person, an individual. Right now, 3 days before we are leaving to go home, I can see numerous differences in who I was before this experience, and who I am know. And I also feel as if I will see more differences after my return to the States.
In the past, history, for me, was stupid. I really did not care much about it at all. Being in Rome, this incredible, historic place, has much aided in my interest of the past. After all, what is the Colosseum, the Baths, the Aquaducts, Pompeii, St. Peter’s, and everything else without the history that comes with it? They are all astonishing by themselves, but the knowledge of how they came to be makes them that much better. Even though it is a minor change, I feel as if being here has aided in the importance of something, or someone’s, past. I know actually want to learn about what I’m see, whether it be in America, or not. If I could go back in time two months, I would have done additional research on what we were going to see, because at times it got overwhelming and I feel as if I, on occasion, did not retain much information. Overall, the significance of history is definitely something I will take home with me.
The change in culture has shaped my new self as well. New experiences and new things. A totally different way of life has facilitated a whole new outlook on life for me. One thing about the culture that I can really see a change in me is the food. I was not very open to trying new foods, especially those containing meat, and I have found myself trying, and liking a variety of foods that I would not even have a bit of at home. More over, when I first got here, I was totally freaked out by the lack of personal space here. I felt so uncomfortable being so close to strangers, sometimes even people in our group, on the trains, buses, and metros, but now it kind of just seems natural, and okay.
As meeting new people is one of my favorite things in the world, I tend to not be open to forming new “best” friends. For me, it’s all about trust, and I do not trust people unless they give me a reason to. To be perfectly honest, I knew everyone here would get close, but I feel as if some of us got closer than I expected. I did not expect for me to dread going home because I would not get to see everyone when I woke up in the morning. I did not expect myself to form such grand friendships with some of the people here. Friendships that I hope, and I pray, will never fade. The kind of friendships that, no matter how far away you are, you know they are there. The kind where a call at 3 AM is acceptable, if needed. The kind that, no matter what happens, they will always be there. I did not expect this, and for me, it’s big, because it represents that my trust, and faith, in others is growing, and maturing.
My family and friends have always been significant to me, more than I can even begin to explain. But being across the world for two months has really made me appreciate everything my family, and friends, has done for me, and how much they have been there for me. They say you don't know what you have until it's gone. And even though they are not gone, I really did not realize what I had until I could not call, text, or give someone a hug when I needed, or wanted to. I did not realize how much they supported me with everyone, and I am truly grateful for everything my family, especially my parents, and my friends, have done for me.
Prior to this experience, my religion, my faith, was there, but I never acted on it, mostly because I have a hard time believing without seeing. I would, and still do, constantly question things, especially when it comes to things that the Bible tells us. How do we know what we are being taught to believe in really happened? What if someone, or a group of people, just made this stuff up? If it has not been proven, how do we know it is true? Even being here, I still question so many things. I question if the chains in St. Paul’s Basilica are really the chains the held him to a cross. I question if the relics in Santa Croce in Geruselam were really the relics of Jesus Christ himself. Although I still question, and although I still have a difficult time believing, I feel as if my faith, and my relationship with God has grown so much since I have been in Rome. The churches, and the faith of Italians, inspired me to expand that connection, that bond, with God. It has inspired me to go to church, and to pray; things I did not see myself doing before.
That relationship that I am currently forming with God is also helping me with other details of my life. Even though I am a huge advocate for not regretting decisions I have made in my past, because at that time, it is what I wanted to do, there are many things in my past that I have issues with forgiving myself, as well as others for. This developing connection of God, and myself, is assisting me in being able to forgive myself for some decisions I have made, as well as a select few others for things that they did to me. I, at times, find myself praying for the one person I loathe, as well as praying for that person’s family and their well being, which is something I never thought I would do, at least not this soon. While I am still in the process of this forgiveness, I have accomplished a lot more than I thought I would in a mere two months.
I cannot tell you how, or why these changes have occurred, as I do not know. It seems weird that such major accomplishments on discovering one’s self can happen just by going to Rome, but it happened. Maybe it’s the change of culture, scenery, lifestyles, people, or maybe it is just Rome’s fatal charm. While I am not sure of how these changes came about, I am sure of how I feel about them. I feel happy, pleased, and tremendously content with these changes. I feel lucky, blessed, and extremely fortunate that I was given the opportunity to come here and experience this wonderful country and these superb people.
This was truly a once in a lifetime experience, and I’m so pleased with my decision to come. Every day, every excursion, every experience (including Palermo), every conversation, has meant something to me. Every person that I met has affected my life in some way, shape, or form. Each person in this group, including Professor, Danillo, and Sara, has influenced my outtake on life for some reason or another. I feel as though this trip would not be the same if we were missing just one person. We have had our ups and downs, our days when we cannot stop smiling, our days when we are bitchy and crabby, but every one of those days has meant something. Never again will we all be able to sit together in the lounge playing games, or have an enormous dinner together, whether it be in Florence, in Castel, or in the basement of campus. But, forever, we will have the memories of sitting together in the lounge playing spoons or one of Dayna’s games, and forever will we have the memories of our delicious dinners and sometimes weird, but amazing conversations. This was a once in a lifetime experience, and I am so thankful that it was with our group. It is now time to go home, and move on with our lives, but never, will I forget this experience, nor the people that I got to share this experience with.
"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on. When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant." Author Unknown.